The Family: A Proclamation

Fifteen years ago, the leaders of the LDS church, gave a powerful statement of our beliefs about families. Elegant and profund, I love the words of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." If you've ever wondered why Mormons feel so strongly about families, all you need to do is read this proclamation. The following is a book I had printed to keep as a reminder in our home.

We, The First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings - male and female - are create in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.

The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.

Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife.

We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.

We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and its importance in God's eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalm 127:3).

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives - mothers and fathers - will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God.

Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.

Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

Happiness in family life is most likely to be acheived when founded upon the teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith,

prayer,

repentance,

forgiveness,

respect, love,

compassion,

work,

and wholesome recreational activities.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.

Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamaties foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Death of a Loved one...

"One day your life will flash before you, make sure it is worth watching" -unknown

Gosh, this one is hard. When someone you know passes away, especially prematurely and unexpected, there are few words to describe all the many feelings running throughout your body.

There are no words.

So many notes, cards, books, poems all offered with genuine yet hopeless chagrin: "There are no words..." Still we seek to find them. In many ways we are recrafted by each death - how we reflect on the memories, how we plan the future, how we redefine all that we thought we knew.

Death. Sometimes it comes creeping in through the pores of our knowing like the sun steadily warming in the middle of a glorious day - nothing to take particular note of until afterwards when tender, red shoulders let you know that you've been burned. Aunt Pat's death was like this. Lung Cancer. It creeps and mutates, a monster within, churning until it overtakes the vessel it inhabited. There is time to say goodbye, time to make plans, time to cherish, time to make peace, time to make ammends. Don't take me wrong - it doesn't make it any easier to deal with such a death, but perhaps "time" is a tender mercy from the Lord. The Lord gives tender mercies in different ways. With Great-Grandma, I believe the tender mercy was taking her back to her heavenly home when she could pass away in the place she called her earthly home. I also believe she was called at a precise time when Grandma Hasse was not there and did not have to relive the events surrounding her death - leaving her only with the joyous memories of living.

Brian's cousin Dani passed away on Monday evening of a brain aneurysm. She was only 50 years old. Taken so suddenly and without warning. A wife, a daughter, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend in life, an angel now in death. There was no "time" given at all.

Life isn't fair. Where is God in that one? The tender mercy? Is there even a God? If so, why would He let this happen? Doesn't He know that she is needed here, on earth, that her work here is not done?

There are no explanations. The only thing we have to hold onto is faith. Without faith, we might as well just lay down and die right along side her. For every tragedy there is a miracle on the horizon. We can either focus on the tragedy or remember the life of the loved one with hope, happiness, and the willingness to wake up the next day - always seeking for a glimpse at the miracles happening around us. So I choose even when doubt creeps in, to still live my life full of faith. It is with faith that I believe we will be reunited with our loved ones again.

All of us will die. We know that. No matter how much we may get caught in in the daily tasks, and trivial things of this world while we are here, there comes a time in life which we contemplate death and what comes next. I am grateful for a faith that teaches me not only the purpose of life and where I came from but what will happen to me after I die. I will continue to live.

Death is not the end. It is only a doorway through which we must pass. It is one step in the eternal scheme of things. A piece of the puzzle that must be placed precisely in the spot created just for us. God knows us and has plans for us larger than we can even comprehend. It was Dani's time, for God has a calling for her that is more bountiful than even the calling we thought she had here on earth. There is so much more to do when we get to the other side. We continue our journey, and are reunited with those who passed before us.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

-unknown

We can be together forever someday...

My prayer for the moment...

Dear Lord,

I know we go through this every day but please give me the knowledge as to why I actually wanted to go to nursing school. Lord, give me the strength to make it through those boring three hour lectures without falling asleep. Lord, please give me the patience to make it through twelve hour clinicals with instructors that can’t just give you the right answer and on the same note, give the nurses the ability to remember what it was like to be a student and give us just a little more respect. Lord, give me the endurance to read all the assigned readings and be able to remember it when I am taking a test with four right answers. Lord, give my family and friends the ability to realize I really am on the edge of insanity. Finally, Lord, give me the vision to see that one day I will be a real nurse and I will never have to wear this ugly uniform again.

Still Blessed, just exhausted,

Me

Reflection on Marriage

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Especially since I am now out of the house most days and in the "real" world...unforunately I see the real world and how it operates on a daily basis.

I have a blog I follow and I just love it. I am awe inspired by Christina and how she is a "hands full mom" with her beautiful 8 children. She shared some awesome things about marriage on her latest post. I love learning things about great women who I admire and look up too...she is just one of them.

Let's start off with a short spotlight on a general conference talk by Julie B. Beck. So many great thoughts were shared that are so relevant to our lives. I especially liked this quote from Eliza R. Snow that was used in the talk:

"Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities.”⁸

I needed that message because sometimes I get so frustrated with taking care of everyone else and I start to feel sorry for myself. "Who's going to take care of me?" I think. It's good to remember that I'm not a baby. I am a woman, capable, strong, and smart.

Some thoughts and ideas to share:

* Every marriage requires adjustment and compromise.

* You can't change your spouse. You can only change yourself. A wise woman in church said that when she got married she discovered her husband loved sports, while she barely even knew what a ball was. She wanted her family more focused on music and theater, and she said, "I really thought I could change him. I learned that didn't work." She spent many years at the bleachers with little kids (she raised five sons). Interestingly, her children learned from both parents. Her oldest son is a concert pianist. The other four are very good at sports.

* We mothers and wives set the tone in our home. We can put up beautiful and inspiring pictures and listen to lovely music.

* "Love them" into doing the things you want them to do.

* Be grateful for the good things your husband does. A suggestion is to make two lists, the positive and the negative, and then take a match and burn up the negative list.

* Don't compare your husband to other men. Be aware of and encouraging of his good points and patient with his faults.

* The importance of affectionate touch.

* Men want to be admired. Let them know you love them and admire the work they do.

* It's helpful to remember that most men are task-oriented people. During courtship, the task was to woo and court. Once they've married, many men see the new task as providing for their families so they put their focus there.

Along those lines, someone once shared how she was so touched by this video when she saw it online (you'll have to click on it to see it full-screen; I don't know how to shrink it).



She showed it to her husband who said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen." Doesn't that just illustrate the differences between men and women and the challenge we have becoming unified in a vision for our marriages and homes?

* The importance of keeping a home neat and orderly. It makes a difference. It helps me sometimes to realize that my husband has to do a lot of things in the course of his job that he doesn't enjoy. If he's willing to do all that to provide for our family, can't I take on the task of the housework without complaining?

* One friend said that she notices that when she's the most critical of her husband and all the things he's not doing, it's usually at the time of greatest stress in her life and that it's the stress at the root of the problem, not her husband. When she's less stressed, the same things just don't bother her.

* When we are concerned about improving our marriages or about choices our husbands are making that aren't good, we can increase our prayers and attend the temple seeking those things we desire. God knows us and will help us find solutions, peace, and hope.

* Pornography is a huge problem in many marriages. Some suggestions for how to avoid it were to put the computer in a main living area, to have filters and passwords and to just be aware of the danger. For those who are addicted, it is important to seek outside help and not expect that things will get better without it. The Church's Addiction Recovery Program is wonderful and the success rate is very high.

* It is silly to expect our husbands to meet our every need. "When I expect him to take care of my every need, I forget that's what Heavenly Father is for. I can't expect my husband to stand in for Heavenly Father." said one woman.

* Remember what a blessing it is to be married and have children. One mother, married at age 31 shared that she is determined to keep her marriage strong because she knows what a blessing it is. "Being single is really hard. There's good things about it, but it's also lonely." Another girl shared that once she was complaining about her husband to an older woman in her ward who's never been married. "Oh, stop it," the woman gently told her, "don't you know how blessed you are?"

So.....what do you do to make your marriage a priority? What qualities are you grateful for in your husband?

Reflections...

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I feel as though I have been running around with my head cut off. Not something that is so abnormal for me, but I have had to prioritize a bit, and thus, the blog is low on the priority list.

On August 18th I got in the car at 3 am and drove from Seymour to Milwaukee to catch an early morning flight. I was on my way to Missoula, Montana to surprise Alex and see him perform with the Missoula Children's Theater. Every year he goes away for a musical theater camp. This was his third year attending, and this year he "graduated" to a 2 week camp which ends in multiple community performances at the theater. I couldn't bear the idea that he would be performing and I would miss it, so away I went! He didn't know I was coming, so I was a bit nervous at his response. Would he be happy? Mortified? Monotone? Would he even recognize me???? ;)

Anyway, it was a long flight to get there. I flew 2 airlines and went through Phoenix and Seattle to finally land in sleepy hollow - I mean "Missoula". I have lots of photos to share with you about Missoula, but I would describe it as a beautiful little town in the valley of the mountains. It has a perfect balance of "trend" and "tradition" and even has a little river running through it (see photo below). I could live there, but heck - I think I can make any place a home.


During my adventure I realized I was all alone. I know many people won't think that is profound, but I am never alone. And frankly, I didn't like the feeling. It isn't that I was scared or felt inadequate for travel...I don't mind getting on a plane or in a car and just finding my way through New York City. This was the feeling of panic and fear of not having anything to do. I am such a busy body and I always have so much to work on. Here - in Missoula - I had nothing. I purchased 2 novels in the airport, and this excited me, since reading is something I love and have not been able to do much since having little ones around. But I read them both quite quickly. So now what? I went out to explore the town. (pictures will be posted shortly)

But let me back up. After I traveled all day, I arrived in Missoula at 8pm. After getting my rental car and checking into my hotel, it was after 9pm. I guess I could go to bed. At 9pm? And without any children or my hubby with me? Hmmmmm...

The next morning I woke up early. 6am. Why, you ask? I have not a clue. Probably due to the lack of little feet kicking me in the nose, or realizing that something was wrong when I didn't have one of the girls crawl in under my arm in the middle of the night. Whatever it was, I was awake. I took a shower and got ready to travel the 3/4 mile from my hotel room to MCT. In hindsight, I should have taken the opportunity for a brisk morning walk. Instead I drove in my rented Subaru Outback.

As I pulled out of the hotel parking lot, my stomach was in knots. I was so worried that I was going to embarrass Alex, or that he wouldn't want me there. I should have known better, the was Alex afterall (has anyone ever seen that kid embarrassed?). I paced back and forth in the lobby of MCT waiting for him to arrive. I saw him across the hall and he looked right at me. It was funny because he looked confused, like he couldn't place me. Of course, why would his mom be there? And then he was like "MOM!" and he ran over and gave me a hug. Sigh of relief. He did say "Does this mean I can't stay at Ben's house tonight?". Once I assured him that he would still be able to spend the night with his friend and be with his host family, I could tell he was excited that I was there.

Seeing him perform and taking him and his friends out to Perkins until midnight after the musical made me refelct a lot of things. He has really grown up. I mean REALLY grown up. Quite honestly, I realized sadly that my work is pretty much done with him. I mean, I know that he still has a ways to go before he is an adult and on his own, but at almost 14 years old, the foundation of who he is going to be is pretty well laid. We might do some tweaking and learning to guide his behavior and decision making throughout his teen years, but who he is with his ethics, morals and standards? That work is already completed.

So the thoughts roll through my mind...did I do a good enough job? Did I play enough legos with him, or was I more worried about putting a load of laundry in? Does he remember the times we spent (just Mackenzie, him and I) taking the long drive to California to spend a day at Disney? Did I take the time to answer his little questions, or did I brush them aside to do more "important" things, like the dishes? So many days I worried that I was just cleaning noses, changing sheets, wiping countertops, picking up toys, and rocking babies to sleep...it was so much more than that.

For all the mothers out there who doubt themselves each and every day, feeling as though you can never do enough - raising children is such a beautiful selfless act. So many moments are felt with guilt for all the things not done in a day - hitting the gym, taking a new class, studying, making "mommy" friends, serving others. But what we are doing is developing ourselves and our children to a higher level of godliness - nurturing, patience, long suffering, charity - these are all the things that we have been put on earth to learn.

What I realize is that I am becoming all I wanted to be and more. I may not get paid with money for being a mother, but seeing this fine young man before me makes me realize the worth of raising a child is great in the sight of God. Something worth more than money can buy.

So tonight I just sit and relfect from my thinking in Missoula...counting my blessings and full of hope, wonder and love.

Wow. PLEASE take the time to read...

After you read the entire article...make sure to take the 10 minutes to watch the video at the bottom. God is Good! Miracles DO happen! :)

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/people/100317miracle.html

My New Life - A MUST SEE!!!!

Stop for a minute, go down the the right hand side of the page, and pause the IPOD. Take the next 8 minutes and REALLY watch this clip. Think about it, ponder it, and reflect on it. This is true inspiration in its finest form.

Provident Living

Make sure your scroll down to the right and PAUSE the IPOD so that you can hear this beautiful message!

Thought of the Day...

One of our friends just posted this on Facebook...I thought it was beautiful while each of us deal with our own turmoils in our life...financially, spritually, or physically.

When the sea is calm and tranquil we admire its beauty and peacefulness, when it is rough and wild we admire its beauty and power. Its getting pretty rough now and yet, there is a beauty in all of it. Accepting what will eventually happen to all of us gives us peace and makes the road ahead a little easier.

WOW! such a cool thing to do.

****before you watch, scroll down and "pause" the music on the ipod.

Before the Air Force-BYU football game, this was played on the video screens in their stadium.

Later, the USAF Academy Superintendent, Lt Gen Gould, showed this clip to the faculty and staff. He told everyone that BYU ran it just minutes before the kickoff at the game. He was clearly moved by it, as were those who watched. Classy, on the part of BYU.

You won't see this on the evening news, but it is what makes me proud to be an American.

Dear 2009...

Dear 2009-

Thank you:

-For good friends, both near and far, and for loving me even though being a "good friend" is my weakness.
-For all the love, laughter and joys that I felt.
-For both sickness and health. Because all the good we know comes from the trials we overcome.
-For all the things that stayed the same and the changes that helped me grown and learn.
-For an economy that looks like it is turning around, but can I have my money back now from what was lost? :)
-For a husband who adores every move I make, even when they are foolish ones.
-For children who let me be their friend on Facebook and who love me even though I am not perfect.
-For all the miracles I see every day.
-For another blessed year with my little family here in Wisconsin, and the memories that we made.

May 2010 be a year for gratitude and blessings!

Death is Not Dying

This is very touching, inspiring, and oh so true...

This woman is a young 37 years old and this sermon was preached about 4 months before she died. Watch it here.

She says “I am dying, but so are you”. I love how Jen (Eden's Bouquet) wrote it... A simple & profound truth.

http://deathisnotdying.com/eventvideo/

Christmas Cantatta

On the 19th, as well as celebrating Natalie's birthday, Alex, Mackenzie, Natalie, Brian and I were involved in celebrating Christmas in such an awesome way...we performed a Christmas Cantatta, which was a beautiful way to celebrate the birth of our Savior.

Before you watch...

before you watch this clip, scroll down to the "ipod" on the right and hit "pause"...that will pause the music on my blog...enjoy the true meaning of Christmas!

Tender Mercies...

I love the way "tender mercies" have blessed my life. To find out what I mean about tender mercies, you can read a general conference talk here:
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-520-33,00.html

Today, my good friend Sara just showed up at our door with dinner ready for my family. She knows how busy we are during the holiday season, and for her to take time out of her day and serve me, was just awesome. A tender mercy in its finest form...

Crush Cancer

I would like to share a site that is close to home...this is my cousin's husband. What an amazing inspiration, and now he shares the opportunity to provide hope for those faced with this cruel trial in life...make sure to watch the home page video.

http://www.crushcancer.net/

Contentment

I have a new book I want to get. When I was listening to Mormon Radio on the internet, I heard an interview. The interview was with Maria Covey Cole, (and yes, she is Stephen Covey’s daughter) who was talking about her latest book: “Contentment.” I was immediately intrigued as she shared some views about motherhood.

Motherhood is a role that we learn- This struck me, for yes, as women, we have innate qualities that help us mother and nurture. But this does not guarantee perfection as mothers, success in our teaching and raising children, nor does it mean that motherhood will be easy. I think I need to write this one above my doorway from our bedroom…:)

Contentment is a Process- I soo believe this one to be true. As we travel on this journey of life, we grow, meet challenges, and continue to learn; ever changing. Why would contentment be any different? A process of choice as we meet each challenge.

Joy in Service – Maria talked about the importance of finding joy in our lives (that there are ways to serve right in front of us: friends, neighbors, family that need service). She believes that we don’t need to “go out and seek fulfillment.” That we should, and can, find it in our lives.

Motherhood is not a time, but a life-long calling- Ooooh, I love this one. I think it’s too easy to think, “oh, things will be different when the kiddos have grown…then it will be my time.” Yes, things will definitely be different, but as I watch my mother-in-law, my grandmother, and my mother: they are still mothering…and will continue to mother. What a blessing to those around them!

The greatest gift to a child is a content mother- This is so true. When I have had challenges, bad moments, bad days, and my kiddos have found me tearing up, I can tell that it worries them. Later, they will come, find my eyes dry, and gratefully proclaim, “you’re ok now mom.” “You are happy.” There are so many ways we can be content. Of course it’s not just the emotions, but it is a choice. Choosing to be content is just like choosing to have peaceful children. Would you want anything else for your kiddos?

The mundane acts are the most precious- I truly believe this as well. Reflecting at the end of the day, I usually wonder if I enjoyed those sweet mundane moments as I should. Thank goodness they happen each day. So if I am not satisfied, I can try to improve the following day. And the following day. And the following day. :)

Nothing worthwhile is easy – Goodness. If an Eternal Family really is as incredible as I know it to be, this life is sure not going to be easy. Oh, but it is worth it.

Perspective

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah, " said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

from homeschooling to public schools...in 24 hours.

As most of you know, we intended to homeschool the children this year. Or, I should say that Brian agreed to let me give it a try for the first 9 weeks (first quarter) of school, only to be evaluated at that time. I have spent countless hours researching both the benefits and challenges of homeschooling over the last 5 years, and after we found a wonderful community of about 200 Christian homeschoolers here in the area ( http://www.gbach.org ) we decided to go for it. I had Mackenzie fully on board and Alex was definitely being a sport by saying he would have a positive attitude about it and make it a good experience (he is a social-lite so this was very mature of him). Of course, Natalie was too young to understand...

Anyway, to make a long story short, real life happened. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am willing to go against the grain on issues when I feel strongly about a subject. I can do it with little support on all ends. Really, all I need is the support of my husband. Brian, on the other hand, tends to need the support of many around him...his crazy wife just doesn't suffice when it comes to do something out of the ordinary! :) Brian received a few off handed comments about what people thought about homeschooling (I mean, come on, who hasn't heard of all the stereotypes?), and while I think I could have pushed the issue, I felt as though if I lost the support of Brian then I was going to be set up for failure. And thus, amidst my disappointment and frustration, our children went to public school today.

As Mackenzie would say (she is a "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" fanatic):

When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else ya got?"

or another one:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

last one, appropriate from someone like Mario Andretti:

If you feel like you're under control, you're just not going fast enough.

WINGS

For the past 3 years, a customer of my fave online children's clothing boutique, Eden's Bouquet, has been photographing a calendar for a group called WINGS located in the Chicago area. WINGS is dedicated to ending domestic violence and homelessness and currently serves women and children in need from over 400 families. Astoundingly, they receive around 200 phone calls per month from women in the Chicago area looking for a safe place for themselves and their children. This year they have decided to do an online vote for the calendars. They are trying to drive traffic to their site to raise awareness and help women and children in need.

If you have a blog, please consider posting the voting information to help this wonderful cause.

Voting will start today, August 5th, at 9am CST and will end August 10th at 5pm CST. Please vote here.

Thank you so much for your support!